What is Enough

I don’t want to remember
What it felt like to be with you
I don’t want that heart-flicker hot
Like a dying star
Every time i see your face or
An old email I see
When I clean out my inbox

I don’t want that floating down feeling
Drowning in those words you gave me
That always seemed to disappoint
As I reread them,
Even now,
Because they remind me that I had you
And somehow, that wasn’t enough.

Why wasn’t it enough?
Why wasn’t
Staring into the darkness of each others souls,
Screaming, crying, holding each other,
Enough?
Why wasn’t
lying in bed, hands intertwined
Talking about things that meant nothing,
Enough?  

Why did I need more
Why did I need
You to understand the scars he left on my body?
So that you could forgive me?
So that I knew you loved all of me?
Why did I have to demand more
Than blushing at our private jokes
Sneaking in secret kisses
When you thought no one was looking?

Why can’t I disentangle myself from that web of razors?
Would it make a difference if he had never hurt me?
I guess there’s no point in asking.

I made certain we’d never meet again.